in Dedication

Imposter Syndrome

The mind is an amazing thing. It can really play tricks on us. Our perceptional reality is the current reality we are subscribed to and it can change in a jarring manner.

An example of this was when I lost a lot of weight and got into shape. My physical body changed before my mind adapted. I still saw myself as a chubby unattractive high school kid with social issues. I would perceive complements as sarcasm and take them as insults. The inner did not reflect the outer and I realized that the real issue was my low self esteem.

I am a college professor now and I still don’t believe it. I teach classes that I am well prepared for and am respected by my students who are young adults and sometimes my peers. It still hasn’t clicked yet because my inner self hasn’t embraced my current outer self. It isn’t until I have to announce my occupation in certain formal or informal situations do I realize my position. 

That’s bad. That means I need external validation to determine myself worth. I believe this may be a common thing with people and I think it stems from your upbringing.

There are people who are in reverse. They believe they are everything and can do anything. I don’t think that is completely healthy cause it can lead to narcissism but it’s still less self destructive as no self esteem. Obviously, the answer is a balance. Obtain that balance can be a life long journey for most. I think my experience gives me insight on how I teach my classes and if I ever were to raise children, I would nurture their self worth.

Have a good day.

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