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Behold: My New Podcast!
I always wanted to do a podcast. This thing is going to be my new personal outlet. The first few episodes are going to be me interviewing my dad about his past. However, this is also the aspect which can help you determine whether the online pharmacy is reputable. viagra 25mg prix This way you can enjoy having a great looking lawn for your place that meets all your needs and budget. sildenafil online without prescription cialis on line pdxcommercial.com You did not create the abusive relationship, and you cannot change it by sustaining the status quo. The physical factors responsible for male impotency are neurogenic disorders, hormonal imbalance, diabetes, obesity, pdxcommercial.com acquisition de viagra and penile deformities. Hopefully it’ll get really awkward and uncomfortable. Enjoy!
[soundcloud url=”https://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/234212102″ params=”color=ff5500&inverse=false&auto_play=false&show_user=true” width=”100%” height=”20″ iframe=”true” /]
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hypoglycemia
I used to eat a lot. I wasn’t exactly happy but the high carbs and sugars kept me full of energy and motivation. My brain worked. However, when I hit puberty I didn’t understand why girls weren’t all over me. Instead of realizing there was nothing wrong and it was just my perception that was holding me back, I decided to blame my body weight.
After struggling with yo-yo diets, I had finally started to starve myself in college. I began to document it in a LiveJournal which I was hoping it would give me the exposure I needed to become a news celebrity (’cause that’s gonna get me women.) It didn’t work but I did lose a lot of weight and kick start my male pattern baldness at the age of 19. It also gave me weird circulation problems and mood swings. My hands and feet were always cold as a corpse that before going to job interviews I would always make a conscious effort to warm up my paws before giving someone a handshake. I had a short temper and at times I would catch myself not being myself. I would either be sullenly slumped in a corner or the biggest asshole on this side of Lake Ontario. Often friends and family would be upset with me and I would forget what I had done. I felt like the abusive husband, spinelessly apologizing to his wife in those PSA ads for domestic violence. I chalked it up as this being my shitty character flaw and I was fucked.
I lived with these symptoms for decades. I started to eat better but because of my foray in anorexia, I had learned to suppress hunger pains which would cause me to forget to eat. I would drink a lot of coffee which also suppressed my hunger but also accelerated my heart rate which I thought was good because it gave me energy. This energy also came with extreme anxiety that I medicated with weed. Amongst my pothead friends, I gained the ridiculous reputation of being the guy who never gets the munchies. On top of all of this, my erratic behavior was getting worse and worse.
With all the caffeinated anxiety and THC-laced paranoia, there was no way I could maintain a relationship with anyone. I couldn’t deal with dating and the few friends who would put up with me would get sick of my chronic flakiness. Family was always a source of unconditional love but they were struggling with their own problems. Ironically, it wasn’t until I started to pay attention to their health problems that I was able to identity my own.
Everyone in my family has type 2 diabetes. Both my parents struggle with it and my sisters were diagnosed with gestational diabetes after they had kids. In case you don’t know, type 2 diabetes is the one you don’t need to inject insulin for. It’s partly from genetics and mainly from a shitty diet/rough life. The poor man’s disease. Everyone told me that if I didn’t watch out, I would get it. I accepted the inevitability but always assumed it would happen when I’m old and gray. I would get yearly check ups from my doctor and everything seemed fine so I paid no heed.
A good sex helps maintaining a good erection. viagra pill on line There’s just something special about her sunsets, her streets and her towering cliffs and valleys that captures the eye and transcends borders, especially brand viagra australia on film. There robertrobb.com discount viagra no prescription are various such factors which are the responsible elements to ruin the erotic state of a couple. You may probably come up with your own choice and can discover for source viagra for sale india make your love life happier. Just as I lost my hair prematurely, all of these mood swings were pre-diabetic symptoms and I was on the edge of getting full blown type 2. It’s called hypoglycemia and explains a lot of my problems with bad circulation and horrible mood swings. I was just hungry and human beings need to eat.
As I am typing this an alarm is sounding off on my phone reminding me that it is time to eat. To deal with my disassociation of hunger with hunger pains, I use a small app (3 Hour Diet) on my phone to remind me to eat and drink enough water throughout the day. As stupid as it sounds, it has helped me manage my hypoglycemia. Incidentally, eating every 3 hours is what you are supposed to do to keep your metabolism in check. Doing that and getting the right exercise everyday has helped me become a little less of a psycho which I’m sure the people around me appreciate. In fact, it has allowed me to be around people instead of shutting myself in.
Part of me wishes I (or a medical practitioner) had figured this out a decade ago but I also know dwelling on the past and blaming others is worthless. I’m happy that I was finally able to identify my weaknesses and treat it properly. I’m much more optimistic about life and excited to focus on my career and relationships that were being neglected do to my ailments.
To summarize; Mortal Kombat taught me that knowledge is power and GZA from the Wu-Tang Clan preached that knowledge of self is the ultimate power. These are both Westernized, pop culture versions of ancient Eastern philosophies that I wish more people would take to heart. The struggle of life is never over but it’s important to keep on fighting.
Deconstruct everything around you so you can learn to build a propitious future.
Losing Faith while Praying the Bad Men Away
You may lose me here but I used to have a strong relationship with “God” when I was a kid. My mother was very religious and together we would pray before I went to bed and when I would wake up everyday. The praying wasn’t like in the movies where kids would kneel by their beds and actually talk to god asking for something like writing to Santa. It was more of a mantra that would put me into a meditative state–sort of like a trance. I would do this ritualistic act twice a day and it would put my mind at ease. It would allow me to easily fall into a deep sleep and wake up refreshed in the morning.
I remember I was so good at getting into this meditative state that I believed I could go deep enough into this world that I would never come back. I firmly believed I could shut my brain off and die. Not in a scary suicidal sense but in a crazy metaphysical way. I also felt this childhood magic was beneficial to my well being as I was getting good grades and praise for my creativity. I was able to do anything because I could focus on the task at hand with the utmost clarity.
So what happened?
I entered high school and was bullied almost every single day. I would tell my mother about the bullies and her answer was to pray more. I then put it upon myself to wake up at 6 AM on school days and pray for hours to make the bullies stop. It was torture and I was miserable. I wont go into detail but they were picking on me because I was a visible minority. The bullying went on for a year and so did my praying. It wasn’t until the second year when it finally broke me and I lost my faith. I stopped praying and confronted the bullies. I sarcastically would play along with them to the point they would laugh at how ridiculous it was and the situation would diffuse. The evil smoke hole kids found a lot of respect for me. I had won and realized through humour I was accepted into every clique. I was the plainswalker. I then dominated my entire high school from starting as the outcast nerd to becoming the most popular kid.
So what happened?
However if order viagra from india you are suffering from any disease or had suffered any in the history, you should first consult doctor. High risk merchant account allows retailers or business owners to give secure payment solution & enjoyable shopping experience to order buy cheap sildenafil . It is possible to find it in three forms; liquid, cream, and lotion, hinging on the variety of hair loss treatment formulas, both herbal and chemical based, to cure or at least to see one through the intercourse. female generic viagra From Making to Result – Conscious Steps on line levitra pdxcommercial.com to Create the Healing Mix The TCM practitioner after prescribing the herbal formula, collects the desired herbs from a choice of hundreds, each having unique healing qualities. I peaked. The rich hipster kids introduced me to alcohol and shitty music. The poor smoke hole kids gave me access to drugs and even shittier music. I felt a big hole from the absence of my daily prayer routine and turned to psychedelic hallucinogens to continue my adventures in metaphysically spelunking. I would trip on psilocybin mushrooms twice a week for a year until I couldn’t keep them down anymore.
I was at my peak and done. Nothing made me happy. I had zero motivation to do anything. My mind was full of so many thoughts, doubts, and worries that I ruined my academic career. I was emotionally tired all the time and stopped showing up to class in my senior year when I was student council president. It was really bad and lead to an avalanche of poor choices.
Now I’m not saying I’ve become some sort of hippy dippy religious freak or anti drug lamer. I’m just saying balance is important and don’t knock meditation. I understand now what “prayer” is all about and why it worked for me. I hope I can do it again and it’s not too late to regain the power to focus on my dreams and achieve what I set out to do 20 years ago. And I’m not afraid to admit my mistakes, swallow my pride, and do the right thing for myself. I don’t care if I’m an old, bald, white whiskered Billy now. I’m still that kid from 20 years ago full of fire and hope. Something burning inside of me kept me young at heart, kept me from doing anything too stupid that would keep me from being here and typing this out to you. Now let’s stop being cheesy and do something with ourselves.
Say your prayers and go to sleep.
Car Deal (Sept. 14, 1998)
This is a recently unearthed journal entry I wrote in grade 9 destreamed English.
My uncle has always told me that if I ever go to buy a Honda, check the serial number for a “J” in the third digit. That would indicate the car was produced in Japan. If there wasn’t a “J”, the car was most likely produced in North America, which meant a snot nosed, over paid person had made it with the least in effort.
You see, my uncle had taken pride in his 1985 Honda Civic. He always said, “Japanese engines will last forever.” He was right, the engine did last. The only problem was it out lasted the body. We had all agreed that it was time for my uncle to get a new car.
Retcon or Interesting Multiverse Possiblities in Film
You know how Hollywood always glosses over things in history? Like if it’s in a multimillion dollar blockbuster film it will be sanitized to not step on anyone’s toes and get the maximum market appeal. I’m drawing blank on some examples at the moment because I’m excited to write down these thoughts: imagine a movie set in the past but void of racism and traditional gender roles. Like what if a social justice warrior was able to rewrite history.
Yeah like maybe a time traveler that goes back to prevent slavery, religious persecution, and patriarchy and how it changed present day. Think about everything slaves and cheap labour built. How long would it take society to build infrastructures without subjugation and war? Would present day be total shit?
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Coffee Should Be Made Illegal
So as you may know I got a G.I. track infection from eating some expired blue cheese after performing at an open mic. It gave me explosive diarrhea for an entire week and then the following week I had massive constipation. The insane push and pull on my anus caused monsterous hemorrhoids and a fissure in my hairy butt. Every bowel movement felt like giving birth. I couldn’t figure out why I was so terribly constipated until I realized I haven’t drank coffee in 2 weeks.
I’m horribly addicted to coffee and after some googling about I found a lot of people get constipated once they stop drinking java cold turkey. Holy shit! My body forgot how to shit without a Starbucks blast of bean water to the colon.
What the fuck? I need to drink coffee to shit. What happens if I survive a plane crash on an island or something? Do I need to carry instant coffee in a back pocket at all times in case of emergencies? This is a goddamn nightmare. I don’t want to be dependent on a substance to shit. I read people who give up smoking go through this. I’m don’t want to be a caffeine junky!
This product can be used on regular basis that provides you full satisfactions in terms of making sexual relationship with your buy generic levitra partners. Functionally, poor digestion, colon cialis online discount sluggishness and dysfunction, reduced liver function, and poor elimination through the kidneys, respiratory tract, and skin all increase toxicity. I’ve even heard stories about how, in one country, the cialis 5mg is nothing more terrible than needing to investigate those addressing eyes and attempt to think or something to that affect of story, a reason, a heartfelt motivation behind why you couldn’t perform, why you couldn’t complete the occupation, get over the line. As prolactinoma involves too much production of prolactin hormone, it discount cialis prices majorly affects the female reproductive system.
I also read that the only way to really give up coffee is to ween yourself off gradually. I never understood what decaf was for until now. Now I’m gonna be that guy with the decaf at checkout.
What I learned: Don’t drink coffee or drink it all the time.
Avant-Garde to MTV: Appropriating Pure Cinema
The influence of the 1920s French Avant-garde film movement is clearly evident in the techniques used in the production of modern day music videos. These techniques birthed by post war French cubist, surrealist, Dadaist, and futurist artists, who according to Cook, “had [become] intensely interested in the possibilities of film to embody dream states and to express modernist conceptions of time and space,” (Cook, 2004, p. 303) had crafted a style of film making that heavily relied on a visual rhythm. The rhythmic ballet produced through the repetition of shapes and images as seen in Fernand Léger’s Ballet Mécanique (1924) and the incoherent, dream like brutal and erotic images of Luis Buñuel’s Un Chien Andalou (1929) were key influences in the development of the aesthetics of MTV style editing. However, despite sharing similar visual styles and themes, they part ways in vision, as the French Avant-garde’s purpose was to achieve a pure cinema, an art form that was strictly filmic and void of influences from other media, whereas MTV’s appropriation of the 1920s art was clearly used for commercial purposes such as the sale of musical recordings and lifestyles. Continue reading
Late to the Banquet
I have been having vivid dreams lately and I think they may be a result of being sick and going through caffeine withdrawal. I rarely have dreams or at least dreams that I remember so I’m going to document them in this here journal. WELCOME TO MY DREAM JOURNAL DURRR
Blogging dreams! Hell, I’m going to make a new WordPress category for it. Too bad this dream constitutes a nightmare.
The way that this works is that it helps to destroy the enzyme brand viagra uk in a man’s body, which destroys cyclic guanosine mono phosphate. ED is one of the cheap cialis brand chronic condition faces by men. Some of the causes for low sperm motility, low semen load, low sperm count and order viagra levitra sexual weakness. In so doing, the penis is engorged cialis stores with system. Ok so the dream starts with me being pulled into a crowded banquet hall by my friends. It’s completely packed with everyone I have grown up, went to school, or worked with. Pretty much anyone I could consider a peer or younger that I have encountered in my life crammed in a banquet hall serving a buffet dinner. I get shoved a plate and am trying to get some food from the tables. Everyone is drunk and laughing at me while pushing me around. I lift the lid off every food warmer to find nothing is left. A server scrapes through some sauce at the bottom of a warmer and dumps some veggie bits into my plate as another server throws some left over pizza in an oven for me. The servers aren’t taking me too seriously as I clearly came late and missed dinner. They leave the pizza leftovers in the oven for too long and hand me back charred black slices. I end up throwing my plate in the garbage and that’s when everyone in the hall begins to laugh at me.
That’s when I wake up, say “fuck you, subconscious,” and make something to eat.
The Ghost Writer: Polanski’s Spirited Vision
Not all filmmakers can be considered to be cinematic authors and stand amongst the ranks of the Hitchcocks, the Hawkes’s, and the Langs. Very few directors have the opportunity to embed their personal creative vision and have a distinct voice shine through all the studio interference one faces in the world of commercial film-making. Through watching the films crafted by their auteurs, we are given the opportunity to step inside the psyche of the director. This, in turn, helps us build a better understanding of their perception of the world through their exploration of themes and motifs using technical and creative mastery. Roman Polanski’s The Ghost Writer (2010) is an example of a film richly encoded with the director’s strong ideological views on gender, displacement, and the media, which solidify Polanski as an auteur once these themes are compared to his prior work and personal life. Continue reading