I gotta get my ass to the gym tonight. It’s a Saturday. I never have anything going on. I usually never do. I used to feel self conscious showing up at the gym on Friday and Saturday nights. Now I enjoy the emptiness.

I used to listen to a lot of rap music to get me pumped. A bit of my motivation was to listen to a new mixtape or album at the gym but now I feel out of love with hip hop. I guess I just grew out of it. The lyrics all seem stupid and the beats are repetitive. It feels like the music is only perpetuating trauma and the shit makes me anxious in a bad way.

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Cool. Time to get dressed.

I’m standing up while writing this because I want to complete the rings on Apple Watch fitness app. Apparently; according to Apple, I sit on my ass all day. I also like getting those small achievements. I’m addicted to it.

I’m also writing this because I want to make sure I stick to my promise of posting on this blog once a day. I wish there were a built in achievement system in wordpress for this type of lunacy. I’m sure it would help a lot of aspiring writers.

Even my car insurance has an achievement system. They gave me a phone app that monitors my driving and gives me a score after each trip. The whole point is to gauge how well I drive which can potentially earn me 25% off my yearly insurance for being a good boy. However, the little badges with clever flavour text that you unlock with every consistently well driven trip is much more appealing.
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Are we all elderly pensions stuck in the casino until we piss ourselves and drop dead. I honestly can’t tell if the gamification of life is a good thing or a bad thing. I mean it is getting me to things that are positive so it can’t be harmful. Can it?

I mean I don’t gamble or play the stock market. I have no harmful vices in my life so this really can’t be that bad. Ok. I’ll stop thinking about it and learn to embrace the meaningless achievements.

The mind is an amazing thing. It can really play tricks on us. Our perceptional reality is the current reality we are subscribed to and it can change in a jarring manner.

An example of this was when I lost a lot of weight and got into shape. My physical body changed before my mind adapted. I still saw myself as a chubby unattractive high school kid with social issues. I would perceive complements as sarcasm and take them as insults. The inner did not reflect the outer and I realized that the real issue was my low self esteem.

I am a college professor now and I still don’t believe it. I teach classes that I am well prepared for and am respected by my students who are young adults and sometimes my peers. It still hasn’t clicked yet because my inner self hasn’t embraced my current outer self. It isn’t until I have to announce my occupation in certain formal or informal situations do I realize my position. 

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There are people who are in reverse. They believe they are everything and can do anything. I don’t think that is completely healthy cause it can lead to narcissism but it’s still less self destructive as no self esteem. Obviously, the answer is a balance. Obtain that balance can be a life long journey for most. I think my experience gives me insight on how I teach my classes and if I ever were to raise children, I would nurture their self worth.

Have a good day.

Platforms. Reach. I don’t know, man. What do we trade for reach?

I guess it’s all done for exposure. You can be the best actor in the world but without a good agent–no one will ever know to hire you. The platform takes a cut but they bring the audience. I guess bars and clubs are platforms for comedians.

I probably should practice writing in a private and not post this online. No one will read it unless they are really interested or if I do something else in life and they scour the net looking for dirt. I think the positive is that it keeps my writing in one place, I can access it anytime with any device with a web browser, and it’s kinda fun–not sure why.
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Don’t worry. Once I get all this out the posts will start getting funnier and more interesting. It’s just part of the process of getting the lead out. I type these keys while streaming out my conscious until there is less junk in the way of my thoughts. It’s kinda like learning how to meditate. You sit there practicing to relax your brain to let thoughts flow in and out of your mind without restriction. You keep doing it until it’s second nature.

Give me a month.

I’m going to write on this thing everyday. I’m serious now. I have no excuse. The weird thing is–this is the future and I’m an English professor in Toronto. I still feel like a teenager typing angst on LiveJournal 25 years ago. 

It’s good to be back.
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I would say chatting drained a lot of my juice. All the good shit was typed to friends over Facebook messenger forever ignored and lost. I never really posted words on social media. I think Twitter is fun but I think too much about being witty. I just want to type and then read it over and edit. On the social media platforms, I felt compelled to post images and video because I could. I guess ultimately you want your words to involve into other forms of communication. That’s ok but you shouldn’t stop writing because that will always be your base. But that’s ok because I’m back.

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It’s good to be home, friends.

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