billyhoush.com

The winter season has finally arrived. Sub zero temperatures have been the key cause of dead batteries and light snow. It still doesn’t feel THAT cold but it sucks driving to work before the sun comes out.

Work is starting to feel more special. Last week the email servers were down. We had to wait an extra day for the server to arrive from HP because it was over the American Thanksgiving holidays. The IT guys from Toronto came down and they were annoying as fuck.

I even started to complain to them that my website is blocked by the corporate proxy and that I would like it unblocked so I can update it while I’m on the job. They all started howling as if I was joking, so I just their donuts.

I learned this from the Buyer in operations: whenever shit gets boring, put on your safety visit and head on back to do some adventuring. Out back we have this massive yard with all our construction machines. It’s awesome and when the weather gets better I promised myself to hop on a couple of these bad buys and take them for a spin.

It would be an appropriate finale.

I guess these blogs always end up with me justifying why I haven’t been updating as often then I wish. Maybe being busy is good. Canada is all about working 9-5 then going to the gym until 8. I guess I can allocate the rest for updating website and playing Super Mario Galaxy!

Holy shit video games.

I’m way more productive now. I think it’s because I feel myself aging. Not in a sad- Oh my god; I’m going to die -way but in a- fuck man, if I don’t get a move on shit is going to be boring and suck for the rest of my life -way. Man, did I even type that shit right?

Buddy, I don’t even know!

Canada isn’t that bad.

I started to get into my work. There was a breaking point last week that ignited this. I figure if you might as well get involved in your job and do your best because: a) time goes by faster and b) you may get promoted.

I decided to send an email out to all the regional managers so they would send me more shit to sell on eBay. It was 7:30 AM and I was on my third cup of coffee:

—–Original Message—–
From: William Hooshmandi
Sent: November 8, 2007 9:32 AM
To: XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Cc: XXXXXXXXXX
Subject: eBay Sales needs YOU!

ATTENTION: ALL REGIONAL MANAGERS

The eBay online sales department is in dire need of items to auction off. Currently we only have 8 listings online while United, down the street, has 154!

C’mon guys, there must be tons of stuff collecting dust at our many divisions waiting to be turned into instant ePROFIT!

EVERYTHING MUST GO!

We have access to the world’s largest buyers market. Liquidate that old inventory and generate CASH, CASH, CASH!!

You can sell anything on eBay. I recently sold 14 oil filters that have been collecting dust at the back of parts to a lady in Missouri.

BAM!! INSTANT ePROFIT!

Plus it’s so easy! All you have to do is follow the steps on the online listing form: XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

And if that still confuses you, call me up and I can walk you through it like a pro. You’ll be a champ in no time. You kidding me? You’re already a champ!

EBAY TODAY!

William Hooshmandi
Online Administrator
Purchasing Assistant
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Ph.: XXXXXXXXXXXX
Fax: XXXXXXXXXXXX

It got a huge response and now eBay is flying. Finally, my comedy writing and performance diploma is paying off.

Holy Shit! Halloween was bit of a let down. We were so excited. I was going to give candy for the first time at my home. I remember getting excited for Halloween growing up here and going house to house getting the candy.

Everyone in the neighborhood knew the good houses that gave the candy. They were the rich people that gave out big size chocolate bars. I remember one house would rent a cotton candy machine and kids would line up in front of their garage.

People would spend lots of money because it was fun and it was for the kids. Until they started putting razor blades and shit in apples.

This year we only had one kid and an older dude knock on our door. I almost got pissed at the older guy going around with the bag and getting candy. It’s for kids. So I felt guilty giving them handfuls.

After that no one else came. I kept looking out the window expecting to see elaborate costumes like we would think up with our families as a kid. But the streets were empty.

My nephew had his first halloween. He’s like one and a half. He totally didn’t get trick or treating. He didn’t understand why we were going to other people’s houses and he kept wanting to go inside and attack their dogs.

The bag of candy just sits there. He’s not old enough to eat that shit. So we pick at it during the day. I love the reese peanut butter cups and ruffle chips.

Aw fuck it.